I was strolling along through Flirty Peter's Wood the other day, when - among the dappled sunlit beauty of it all - I had this thought - 'my life is shit, and I'm a cretin.' It took some time for me to adjust my being to the implications of this revelation. After that time, I decided to kill myself. Yes, clearly I failed, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.
Running very fast into trees hurts, but it does not kill you.
