Many years ago his dad bought him a body-warmer for Christmas. Not wanting to offend his old man, he wore it throughout the festive period, meeting with regular choruses of approval from elderly relatives - "doesn't Michael look smart in his body-warmer." Trouble was that Michael might've looked 'smart', but he also looked a complete pratt.
Not only that, but experts agree that it is impossible to be sexy in a body-warmer. Naturally Michael was quietly distraught at the prospect of being neutered by such insidious means.
An otherwise desirable couple, de-sexed
by highly powerful quilted anarok-style
body-warmers.
I have it on good authority that the American military are currently experimenting with the Body-Warmer as a means to diffuse sexual tensions between the ranks. Anyway, Michael became more and more frustrated at the 'straight-jacket' he was constrained within; until one day he snapped and cut all the sleeves of off his parents' coats, and burnt them in a fire full of fierce redemptive flames.
I am glad to say that his dad was very understanding, and sat down with Michael, only punching him five times in the face. Michael, bleeding, said to his father:
"Dad I will never bare my arms in public again. Instead, I am going to design an all-in-one bodystocking and campaign against the scourge of the Body-Warmer. Now I'm leaving home to seek refuge with Abraham DeBunkem. He's just built a Shack and it's a happening place where all freakoids and outsiders are welcomed. Bye dad."
A short fight followed during which Michael was elevated into a shadow of his former self. That night he left home and was dragged into The Shack, unconscious, by Wee Davy. He lived with us for one year one month and one day, before one night moving on to new challenges. This is a story...
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10 comments:
I have worn a Body-Warmer for twenty years and have never kissed a girl. I am both stunned and mortified to learn that this may have been due to this particular item of clothing.
I can't thank you enough for sharing this information with the general public. Thank you!
I become a bad person when I wear my Body-Warmer. I am horrible and grumpy, and I treat my loved ones like shit.
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Dear Cedric, we hope that you find what you are looking for. We wish you well in your quest.
Hello Ms. Arnold, actually this is not an uncommon phenomenon. Many people feel an undefined fury when wearing this socially debilitating garment. Our advice is that you take it off and burn it. We are confident that this will improve your mood.
Hello Mandy,
Perhaps one day the silence will end?
body warmers don't make me feel warm at all. Which is probably why I have one but never wear it.
Good to have you over here Jingoistic. I have never worn a Body Warmer, but I would imagine that it leaves your arms chilly. However, the practicability aspect is only one of MANY reasons why they should be avoided at all costs.
Cheers!
~ DeBunkem
It happened. I have kissed a girl. I took it off, and WOW! This is just SO - thankyou, oh thanks!!!!
We are really pleased for you Cedric. Well done lad!
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